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Marriage & Kids

August 2, 2012 by  

Big decisions: marriage & kids

Love & Marriage go together like…

This is the period when others think of you as an adult, even if you haven’t quite accepted it. There are several theories to describe this period but the most interesting revolve around the issue of love.

Psychology isn’t very sentimental. When it thinks about love, it does so in an objective, scientific way. Consequently, there are several theories of love; all of them quite utilitarian.

Marriage and children are often paired together. But not everyone has children. Some decide to be childless. But for others it is a not a choice. Not all options are easy and many are quite expensive.

Here’s what is included in this lesson:

  • Adult development theories
  • Family life cycle
  • Theories of love
  • Childlessness

Read chapter 14 of Berk’s Development Thru The Lifespan

Here are the resources you need:

CLUSTER

SLIDES

TERMS

[dropdown_box expand_text=” Terms To Know” show_more=”More” show_less=”Less” start=”hide”]

  • absolute strength
  • adoption
  • adult world
  • agape style
  • artificial insemination
  • assisted reproduction
  • attachment
  • attractive alternatives
  • caring
  • childless
  • cohabitation = two unmarried people living together
  • color wheel of love
  • companionate love
  • compassionate love
  • consummate love
  • conventional IVF
  • costs
  • decision-commitment
  • down-regulation
  • early adult transition
  • early adult transition tasks
  • egalitarian marriage = style of marriage based on equality
  • emerging adulthood = hypothetical period between teen and adult
  • empty love
  • enter adult world
  • eros style
  • exposure theory of love
  • family life cycle
  • fatuous love
  • fertility drugs
  • follicle stimulating
  • friendship
  • Gould, Roger
  • Hatfield, Elaine
  • hyperstimulation
  • ideal relationships
  • in vitro fertilization
  • infatuation
  • infertility
  • inner stages of consciousness
  • intimacy
  • intimacy versus isolation = Erikson’s 6th stage of development; virtue is love
  • intracytoplasmic sperm injection
  • investment
  • investment theory of love
  • involuntary childlessness
  • leaving parents’ world
  • Lee, John
  • Levinson, Daniel
  • life structure
  • liking
  • limerence
  • loneliness = feeling isolated, loss of companionship
  • long protocol
  • love
  • loving
  • ludos style
  • major false assumptions
  • mania style
  • mellowing
  • middle adulthood
  • midlife decade
  • mid-life transition
  • mid-life transition tasks
  • mild IVF
  • modified-natural IVF
  • natural IVF
  • ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS)
  • ovarian stimulation risks
  • passion
  • passionate love
  • political issues
  • pragma style
  • quality of living
  • reexamination
  • relative strength
  • rewards
  • romance
  • royal succession
  • Rubin, Zick
  • Rusbult, Caryl
  • seasons
  • secondary infertility
  • settling down
  • shape of triangle
  • short protocol
  • similarity theory of love
  • size of triangle
  • social clock = social expectation to do things at a particular stage of life
  • Stability & Acceptance
  • Stable Period
  • Stage 1: Family of origin
  • Stage 2: Leaving home
  • Stage 3: Pre-marriage
  • Stage 4: Childless couple
  • Stage 5: Family w/ young children
  • Stage 6. Family with adolescents
  • Stage 7: Launching children
  • Stage 8: Later family life
  • Sternberg, Robert
  • stigma
  • storge style
  • surrogacy
  • test-tube baby
  • theories of love
  • traditional marriage = how your culture historically has celebrated marriage
  • transitional period
  • transitory love
  • transvaginal surgery
  • triangular theory of love
  • turning-30 transition
  • voluntary childlessness
  • whirlwind courtship

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NOTES

[dropdown_box expand_text=” For You” show_more=”Notes” show_less=”Less” start=”hide”]

  • Daniel Levinson
    • Theory of adult development
      • life structure = underlying pattern
    • Shaped by environment
      • Social & physical factors
      • Family, work & status
      • Religion & race
    • Stable Period
      • make crucial life choices
    • Transitional Period
      • Between stable periods
      • Shifting of commitments
    • 6 stages (seasons)
      • 1. Early adult transition (17-22)
      • 2. Adult world (22-28)
        • initial choices
      • 3. Turning 30 transition (28-33)
      • 4. Settling down (33-40)
        • Act like grownup
      • 5. Mid-life transition (40-45)
        • More aware of death & legacy
      • 6. Middle adulthood (45-50)
    • Early Adult Transition Tasks
      • Form a dream
      • Find a mentor
      • Start an occupation
      • Get marriage; start family
    • Mid-life Transition Tasks
      • Rebalance young-old polarity
      • Less destructive, more creative
      • Less rigid gender roles
      • Balance being alone & attachments
    • Criticism of model
    • Data from Great Depression
    • Sample
    • Stable family (low divorce rate)
    • Realists, not dreamers
    • Expanding economy
  • Roger Gould
    • Inner stages of consciousness
    • Establishing a personal identity
    • Give up child illusions & myth
      • Free self from restraints
    • Safety of childhood is an illusion
      • Confront your myths
    • 4 Major False Assumptions:
      • I’ll always live with my parents
      • My parents will always be there if I need something
      • Life is simple & controllable
      • No death or evil in the world
    • Stages
      • Leaving Parents’ World (16-22)
      • Enter Adult World (22-28)
      • Reexamination (28-34)
      • Midlife Decade (35-45)
      • Mellowing (43-50)
      • Stability & Acceptance (50+)
  • Feel Like An Adult
    • What Made You Feel Like an Adult? (Hoffman & Manis, 1979)
    • For most women
      • Getting married
      • Becoming a parent
    • For most men
      • Not living at home
      • Making a living-money
  • Family Life Cycle
    • Stage 1: Family of origin
    • Stage 2: Leaving home
    • Stage 3: Pre-marriage
    • Stage 4: Childless couple
    • Stage 5: Family w/ young children
    • Stage 6. Family with adolescents
    • Stage 7: Launching children
    • Stage 8: Later family life
  • Love
    • Basic emotion?
    • Probably too complex
    • But common & valued
  • Theories of Love
    • 1. Exposure effect
      • Robert Zajonc
      • Tend to like familiar things
    • 2. Similarity
      • More similar, more attracted
      • Online dating sites
        • But women want different smell
        • different DNA?
    • 3. Investment Model
      • Caryl Rusbult
      • Formula:
        • investment + (rewards – costs) – attractive alternatives
      • Investment = what sacrificed for relationship
      • Rewards = what get out of it
      • Costs = cost of leaving
      • Attractive alternatives =who else is available
    • 4. Zick Rubin
      • Liking vs. Loving
      • 3 elements
        • Attachment (need to receive)
        • Intimacy (sharing thoughts, etc)
        • Caring (their happiness too)
    • 5. Elaine Hatfield
      • 2 basic types of love:
        • Compassionate (respect-trust)
        • Passionate (emotion-arousal)
      • Transitory (6-30 months)
        • “falling in love” culture
        • Intense feelings
    • 6. John Lee
      • Color Wheel of Love
      • 3 primary styles
        • Eros (ideal person)
        • Ludos (game)
        • Storge (friendship)
      • 3 combinations (complementary)
        • 1. Eros & Ludos = Mania
          • obsessive love
        • 2. Ludos & Storge = Pragma
          • Realistic-practical love
        • 3. Eros & Storge = Agape
          • Selfless love
  • 7. Robert Sternberg
    • Triangular theory of love
    • Strong relationships need:
      • Intimacy
      • Passion
      • Decision-commitment
    • Love = absolute strength of combination
      • Relative strength of each component changes over time
    • Size of triangle = amount of love
    • Shape of triangle = style of love
      • Only 1, success less likely
    • 1. Intimacy
      • Attachment
      • Closeness
      • Understanding
    • 2. Passion
      • Limerence
      • Involuntary attraction
      • Head-heels
      • Sex attraction
    • 3. Decision-commitment
      • Remain with each other
      • Shared plans
    • If have only 1:
      • Passion-intimacy-commit = infatuation
      • Intimacy-passion-commit = like & friendship
      • Commit-passion-intimacy = empty love
    • If have 2:
      • Passion+intimacy-commit = romance
        • Grows as intimacy grows
        • No commitment, doesn’t last
      • Passion+commit-intimacy = fatuous love
        • Whirlwind courtship
        • Who are you?
      • Commit+initimacy-passion = companionate love
        • Long-term marriages
      • Passion+commit+intimacy = consummate love
        • Ideal relationship
  • Childless
    • Voluntary childlessness
      • Childfree by choice
      • Mission: art, charity, money
      • Celibacy
    • Involuntary childlessness
      • Infertility = unable to conceive
      • Unable to carry to term
      • Infant death
      • Secondary infertility = 2nd child
      • Lack of a partner
      • Unwillingness
      • Single
  • Pre-assembled Options
    • Surrogacy
    • Adoption
  • Assisted Reproduction Options
    • Artificial insemination
      • Insert lots sperm into uterus
      • Used in horse breeding too
        • Phantom mare
        • Collect sperm, chill & ship
    • Intracytoplasmic sperm injection
      • Remove eggs
      • Inject single sperm into 1 egg
        • Microinjection
      • Put egg in uterus
    • In vitro fertilization
      • Remove eggs (transvaginally)
      • Combine with sperm (test-tube)
      • Put into uterus
    • Natural IVF
      • Use egg from normal cycle
      • Remove from fallopian
      • No drugs
      • Low success rate
    • Modified-natural IVF
      • Normal ovulation cycle
      • Drugs for 2-5 days
      • More successful
    • Mild IVF
      • Collect 2-7 eggs; transvaginal surgery
      • Drugs for 2-5 days
      • More successful (40%?)
    • Conventional IVF
      • Ovaries hyperstimulation
      • Collect lots of eggs
      • Lots of drugs
      • Long or short protocol
      • Long protocol
        • Inject synthetic GnRH (pituitary)
        • Causes flare effect
        • FSH & LH increase
        • Continued use causes downregulation
        • Produce less FSH & LH
        • Take FSH to hyperstimulate ovaries
        • Get multiple eggs
      • Short protocol
        • No downregulation
        • Fertility drugs (follicle stimulating)
        • 10 days of injections
    • Ovarian stimulation risks
      • Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS)
        • Caused by too much HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin)
        • Mild to life-threatening
  • Childless Issues
    • Political
      • Royal succession
      • Power or influence
    • Stigma
      • Social norms
        • Unusual
        • Anticipated parenthood to unwanted status
    • Education
      • Higher education
      • Professional-managerial jobs
    • Finances
      • Less money (agricultural)
      • More money (modern); dual incomes
      • Eat out
      • Have pets
      • Spend a lot
    • Quality of Living
      • Exercise more
      • Eat healthier
      • Less stress
      • Happier?
        • Marital happiness goes down when baby born
        • Goes up when empty nest

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QUIZ

[dropdown_box expand_text=” For You” show_more=”Quiz” show_less=”Less” start=”hide”]

  • 1. Love is a function of time spent together according to the:
    • a.           family cycle theory
    • b.           color wheel theory
    • c.           exposure theory
    • d.           triangle theory
  • 2. What you’ve sacrificed for a relationship is your:
    • a.           false assumption
    • b.           transition task
    • c.           investment
    • d.           problem
  • 3. Levinson’s Early Adult Transition Tasks include:
    • a.           down-regulate your fear
    • b.           commit to intimacy
    • c.           form a dream
    • d.           build an ark
  • 4. Which is a stage of IVF (in vitro fertilization):
    • a.           intracytoplasmic generalization
    • b.           intracytoplasmic deregulation
    • c.           hyperstimulation
    • d.           ablation
  • 5. Who proposed the Triangular Theory of Love:
    • a.           Sternberg
    • b.           Levinson
    • c.           Rusbult
    • d.           Lee

For the answers: Click Here

 

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DISCUSSION ITEM

  • What’s the best marriage proposal story you know?

 

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